padang; april 25th, 2016
Statistically speaking, people undergo some fallouts within their lives; mostly during fresh graduate job seeking and first child baby born. Not knowing what to do nor how to behave, even hesitating on decision making, those are symptons of falling out which then bearing to one can not be himself, anxiety complex, solituding himself, even refusing to be part of society. In short-THAT IS NOT A GOOD SIGHT, yet everyone will come to it anyway. It's unavoidable, a force of nature, the rule of universe; as certain as earth rotating the sun. You may not want it, but you will get it anyway.
Well, my first major encounter with the grim is a little earlier than that and it was a big one, worst one so far.
It's all started with my frequent visit to hospitals, not as one of their employee (not my expertise, Duh!) but as their beloved patient. Too many activities combined with relatively weak physical body made me susceptable to sicknesses and it ripped most of my valued time just to be treated. This sort of thing and my bad affinity with some of my thick-headed professors resulting my involuntarily negletion of my study. I missed some finals due being hospitalized, couldn't get the follow up test that i requested, and not even granted a summer class for making up to that. Soon after, it became clear to me that it was so futile to continue so i submit my resignation on November 2014.
I never regretted my decision. I never believe my self as a loser, i firmly had faith that it was a strategic retreat for a better future; maybe its just not my fate to be ITB graduate. Well, suck, but live must goes on.
Then it comes, the reaper that stabbed deep through my mental issue; i was in a loss of what to do. So far before, i always knew who i was; what i was. Then suddenly, i was insignificant, meaningless, nobody. No matter what i did, no matter what i wanted, everything seemed irrelevant.
It took some time to sort out my minds and finally made a decision to continue my study; studying is the only thing i am good at. It was not exactly continue from what i left, but more like a fresh start for a second chance granted to me. I am (re)following my path to become an engineering. Different campus, different major, but with better determination. I care about my future. Now i am a civil engineering student of Bung Hatta University class 2015.
New campus was not the only thing i got in past 2 years. I am sure i have matured quite a bit; i can sort out my priorities, know how to make a decision (learnt in hard way), and no longer thousand miles from my family, finally have the time to spend with them.
All and all, this paradigm shifting that i underwent is not that bad after all, the only regret i have is that it cost me 6 years of my live to learn this lesson. I can only wish that i can be better and do better in the future to make up what i lost.
